Two So Far
Simply on a street-and-bystander level, I like the respect that comes from having two kids. The unsolicited advice seems to have vaporized. No more “oh just wait until you have two/she’s older/she’s starts walking” etc etc. The sight of me coming down the street with the girls seems to garner some awe. Perhaps a fleeting moment of pity. A few “My, you really have your hands full.” Not exactly compliments, but there is a little music to them.
Almost every month we drop a bag of stuff at Goodwill, but for the first time recently, a couple of the things that went were things I really liked. That’s a good sign. It’s bad if you’re purging junk–how did it get into your home the first place? But if you getting rid of things you like because they’ve come to the end of a good life, been rendered irrelevant or replaced with a better fit (like our kitchen table), then things are really getting shipshape.
But I did cringe to see go the table we found as newlyweds at the Cambridge Antique Market. We bought it from a dealer who meticulously wrote full paragraphs on the tags he attached to each item. Before we purchased the table we spent twenty minutes just reading the mini histories he had recorded. Each side of the table folded down completely. That was great for our old apartment where dinner parties began with drinks on “the sideboard” and then we sat down to dinner at the now-table.
But the flip side is that we have a new table that fits our small kitchen and the four of us just right.
This brings me to another perk of two: cleaning my house. I’ve realized I cannot not clean my apartment just because I have a child under foot. Because they’re never not under foot. I’m allowed to say, “I can’t read Curious George right now, I’m cleaning.” I’m allowed to expect Lux to entertain herself that long. I’m allowed to shrug my shoulders at her bored-face and let her find her own fun.
After a few real miscalculations, I’ve banned errands that implicitly value my time below minimum wage. A 40-minute trip to a consignment shop for a chance at $8 in store credit? No thank you. When I get a gift for the girls in the mail, I send a text message or email to say thank you right away, and leave it at that. The gracious days of a written note have slipped away, at least for a while.
I’ve started answering the phone again. If I don’t pick up now, my wary thinking goes, I might have to listen to a voicemail later. So I pick up.
I see that I’m becoming manically efficient. With Lux, I was always doing these small trips to the grocery store, lugging one overpacked bag back with me on the stroller. I go to the store once a week. I spend enough to initiate free delivery. I’ve finally started planning more than one dinner in advance. Finally started my dinner journal that I’ve been meaning to do for a year or two. Finally typed up a list of my typical grocery list, with space for additions and printed it off.
I don’t say this to boast. Just puttering over the things here and there that seem to have gotten easier, and almost in awe of the things that are falling into place.
14 Comments
Brooke Pulver
Well yes, yes, yes to all of this. We’re really getting the hang of this two child thing aren’t we? I quietly smile at those who give me the pity pass when I have two in tow out and about. If they only knew how much we were getting done here and there! Also, grocery delivery has changed my life! xo
Rachael Ringenberg
You’re right–we are getting so much done! xo
Anne
I loved getting to the point where 2 was easier than 1, and now 3 is easier than 2. A combination of re-oriented priorities, built-in buddies to distract and play with, forced organization while at the same time a forced letting-go….it’s amazing what a different mom I am now than when I first began 7 years ago. Great musings!
Rachael Ringenberg
I’m so happy to hear that! Three being easier than anything…sounds impossible. I’ll take your word for it.
bridget
TEACH ME THY WAYS.
I could really be cleaning, while P sleeps right now, but I really relish doing nothing during nap time. Will I ever get over that?
Rachael Ringenberg
Never ever will naptime not be sacred time. I think 20 minutes at the end devoted to prepping dinner helps a lot, but you know that. My next hurdle is to copycat your meal binder….how much would an exact replica cost me?
Julie
I’m having my second girl in July, joining her to-be seventeen month old sister. Two tiny kids! I don’t know how we’ll manage. Cleaning the house is something I outsource — my soaring happiness level with our new housecleaning service is so worth it. I work outside the home and enjoy a maximum of 2-3 hours/evening with my daughter during the weekdays – *not* going to spend it cleaning.
Rachael Ringenberg
I think that’s so wise of you to outsource cleaning–way to go!
That’s going to be really intense for about four months, but then it will really pay off! I often wish the girls were just a little closer than 24 months. Lux is anxious for Joan to catch up in so many ways.
Jennifer MommyLifeAfterPh.D.
Isn’t it funny how kids tend to force you into a rhythm? I always find myself at my most efficient when I have the least amount of time–like when chasing four kids around:)
Rachael Ringenberg
True for four too!? Good to hear.
andrea (book-scout)
Filing all of this away for a (hopefully, Lord willing, aaaaaaanytime now…) future date. I’ve had to do the same thing with the cleaning. So many animals and a toddler and a husband with allergies means I can’t NOT do it. I’m still surprised by how well E will just toddle off and find something to entertain himself, as long as he sees me engaged in some kind of meaningful physical work. Except for dinner. Still no clue how to make that happen without Daniel Tiger. Teach me your ways.
http://scoutandjem.typepad.com/bookscout/
Rachael Ringenberg
I feel you on the any day now.
And it’s just as you said (and maybe Maria Montessori said?) they have to see meaningful physical work at work, and they wander off. Dinner hmm…I either prep during nap or work through which results in a harried wife for Joe to return to! Yikes.
joannabc
Does anyone still listen to voicemail?
jolie
Laughed at, “I’ve realized I cannot not clean the apartment just because I have a child underfoot.” This is so true – I am constantly like, “I will sweep the floor later / I will clean the tub later / I will ….” because it never seems convenient. Eesh.