Dream Life
One question I’m often asked: “if you did work, what would be the ideal situation?”
To this, I’ve always blithely answered something like, Twelve hours a week consulting for small businesses on how to be a little more creative or unique in their field. “Just fire up the ol’ mind a little,” I would say, temporarily turning into a Texan rancher. A small part of me might have imagined a lovely Italian speaking nanny that would show up for those hours and whisk Lux out to adventures and then come back and bake some cookies to go with our afternoon espresso. But realistically I knew I would fit those hours into nap time, settle down at the desk just as Lux settled down into her crib. This sounded perfect, it sounded quite have-it-all, to use the phrase society is obsessed with stamping on things.
(And it’s a testament to how far from an infant a toddler is, how predictable our days, that I even had those thoughts at all.)
Well for the past couple of weeks I’ve had that gig, and I’ve been rather shocked by tiring it is. Maybe I’m just out of practice with how people turn on for work, and then turn off again. I see the emails come in and I want to jump on them right away. I hate to click away the phone calls that I have to send to voicemail until later that afternoon. And then nap time arrives and I just want to take a nap. Or sit by the window and smooth nutella onto small crackers for an hour. Or pull out the ipad, open flipboard and read all the blogs. Instead I set to work, make calls, pin things, click links, email people back, write lots of barely legible lists in my notebook. People call me back when Lux has already woken up and we’re at the park. Unbelievable, I sigh in exasperation when I see their calls, nap time is obviously over now.
If I do complain to Joe about the difference between his life and mine (and this happens every eight weeks or so, on some night when I’m exhausted and should be sleeping instead of talking) I complain that he gets to speak with adults who value his opinions and perspective on a daily basis. There’s something rather satisfying about that, rather than someone who shouts “no no no no” to your suggestion of a banana snack, don’t you think?
And that’s definitely my favorite thing. There’s never going to be anything like working for someone and hearing, “awesome idea. I love it. do it.” (And I know most of you would love to hear this just a little bit more at your day job.)
I think I can get better with practice and a few good habits. Set up a work email and only check it when I can respond. Tell people realistic deadlines and remain calm around the “this is a triple-panic-priority!” mindset. Bill the hell out of the hours I spend brainstorming and dish washing. But–what is the point of this post, anyway?–the old truism that the grass is greener in that yard way over there? I think so. You get what you want, and it turns out to be rather a lot of work.
13 Comments
Hannah
This was me with being a stay at home mom. People would ask me, “If you weren’t going to be a doctor, what would you do?” I would always wistfully say, “Stay at home mom, no question.” I felt so sure about it. Well, then I accidentally got pregnant, and IU gently suggested that instead of trying to plow on through, I should take a year off of med school. Well. Let me just say- the day I went back to school, I came home, sank into the couch, and said, “I finally feel like myself again!” I was terrible at the stay at home mom gig. I don’t think there was one time in 12 months were the house was clean (and I use the term clean very, very loosely), the fridge full, and all three members of the family had bathed in the past 24 hours. Not a single time. And I know being a mom is about so much more than that, but still- that was all I had to do, take care of this child and the home! and I couldn’t do it! I was more overwhelmed than I was when I was in school. I remember walking in the door on my first day back. Andrew had Violet in her high chair, happily eating her dinner, he was cooking, the house was tidy, and they were both dancing. I should have gone back a long time ago! He is much more suited to it than I am. He’s an excellent stay at home parent, and I am a darn good (soon to be) doctor. Anyways, all that to say- I agree, the grass is always greener!
Rachael
Oh, love this. There must be so many dads are there who are like…I would be really good at that, can I stay home? I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling like yourself! (though I’m terrible at house cleaning too. How does one get the genes for that anyway?)
Rachael Ringenberg
Oh, love this. I can only imagine how many dads out there are like, “I think I would be really good at that…can I try it?” For the record, Joe is actually a much much better housecleaner than I. Or it just drives him more crazy and he can’t ignore it? Either way, I’ll take every domestic habit he can possibly offer!
I’m so glad you’re feeling like yourself. : )
joanie
amen, sister!
preethi
Hi Rachael,
Thanks for sharing!
I just stumbled across your blog from another with your just beautiful quote about motherhood as the summertime of seasons. Just perfect. As a mom of a 2.5 year old and 7 month old who was working part time from home, I totally feel you here, too.
preethi
lace, etc.
Rachael Ringenberg
Thanks Preethi! Welcome from Bridget’s world. It sounds like quite the feat to me to be working with *2* kids at home with you!!
Natalie Chassaigne Kurtzman
I love this. I just love your writing. xo
Rachael Ringenberg
: )
Katie Spencer Miller
Rachael, this is Katie Spencer (now Miller) fellow Maddawg, remember me? I totally stumbled on your blog by accident.. I read your friend Bridget’s blog (I don’t know her at all and I can’t even remember how I found her blog in the first place). She won’t know me because I never comment on it, although I really love it. I think you bloggers would call me a lurker
Anyway I totally choked on my coffee when I was reading her blog and saw your picture!! So, so weird. I guess I feel like the blog world is kind of a “fictional” world even though I know it really isn’t, so when it intersects with reality it totally catches me off guard! Anyway. I wanted to say “hi” and that I think your daughter is adorable. And I miss you. And did you know Eugene got married a couple months ago? Random fact 
I gotta go, I’m at work so I gotta keep my blog reading to a minimum!
Rachael Ringenberg
Hi Katie!!! So funny, thanks for coming over! I too am lurker on many blogs…it’s just the habit you get into of reading and moving on. I did not know Eugene got married! I am so out of the loop, but I bet you’re plugged right in. I don’t know about you, I don’t run a bit these days, but I’m planning on picking it up in my 30s. Maybe we can have a reunion race then. : )
Katie
I’m pretty out of the loop too actually. We saw Edge and Lolly at the wedding and when Edge saw my son Micah (1 year old) he looks at me and says “is that YOURS?”
We should do a reunion race when you finally pick running back up
I am not to good at doing it either these days.
Priscilla Hedlin
Hi
I’m coming over from Bridget’s blog. It’s nice to meet you. Congrats on the baby girl to come.
I completely agree that the grass is always greener. I LOVE all your pictures and the little bit you wrote about Italy and there not being cash registers. What a different world!
Rachael Ringenberg
Thanks for coming over! What a treat to have visitors from Bridget. Thank you for your comments too!