Baby,  Boston,  Essay

Missing the Liquor

February 28, 2013 / 26 Comments

Well it’s practically March and oh my goodness do I miss cocktails.

I just finished the Dinner a Love Story cookbook (so good, so good, by the way) and Jenny frequently mentions her retreat to an evening gin and tonic whilst cooking, and especially while cooking with toddlers. Her loyal love of one good cocktail (with “only fizzy tonic”) made me like her all the more, but also made me desperate for my own.

“This is a tough time of year to live in Boston,” I announced to Joe.

“I think it’s a tough time of year to live anywhere,” he said, too moderately for my taste, especially at 8am.

“I don’t think it’s a tough time of year in Mexico.”

Joe gave up alcohol and coffee for Lent, which is extremely noble. I pretended to dither about it, but really I can’t give up another thing. Pregnancy is lent, as my dear friend and priest’s wife so nicely pointed out. Last night with the doulas we discussed what a mysteriously big baby Lux was (9lb 10 oz) and I blamed it on a protein shake I drank a lot while pregnant with her. “And no white sugar or white flour?” one asked. My mind blanked as I searched for something I was currently eating that wasn’t comprised mostly of white sugar and white flour. “Uh well, a lot of pasta,” I said lamely. “A lot of macaroni and cheese,” I clarified. “Oh.” she said. I mentally scratched off a few more items to feel confident about when eating.

My twenty-three-year-old brother Leighton offered to not drink for my entire pregnancy if, I also, did not drink. Imagine the audacity.

Like most modern conversation topics, whether you drink or do not drink is treated as a highly personal decision that one makes for themselves based on highly personal feelings. The conclusions on whether the fetus is affected by occasional drinking are bounced back and forth between opponents like a swinging ping pong game. Nonetheless, if you visit an OB office in America, a nurse will probably say something along the lines of “It seems silly to say, but of course you’re not drinking?”

Leave it to family to cross the safe line of modernity’s “It’s your decision, not mine!” politeness. I took him up on his offer because it was so thoughtful. This is a kid who, at the time, probably got a safe quarter of his weekly calories from beer. I couldn’t resist his offer of co-denial in its sheer chumminess…and because of a slew of other implications that seemed to lie within it.

It seemed implied, for example, what kind of barbarian was I? If he could go without a glass of wine now and then, why couldn’t I do it? In the past, a tiny part of me admired women who completely abstained, but a larger part of me held them off as a little juvenile. Like, if everyone’s having mimoas at brunch, is it really necessary to wave your hand and insist on only orange juice for yourself?

But it was pointed out to me by my dear, over-curious family (keep in mind I’m the first one to have a baby among them) that to decide to drink simply to satisfy my rebellious counter-cultural francophile streak was absurd indeed.

True that.

So I think I’ve texted him a total of five times for exceptions to our plan, i.e., very special occasions. Five drinks in 22 weeks is certainly a more moderate environment than Lux abided in. Soak it up, baby, and let’s see it in the SAT scores in 18 years, ok?

February 28th and it’s bleak folks, bleak! There are still small slumps of snow on the street, each protectively harboring its own disgusting pile of soggy trash. Mmm, this looks delicious, Lux says, as she picks through each one like a little alley urchin.

Mercifully we were at Formaggio Kitchen this morning for coffee and they had piled up a basket of the darkest cinnamon bread loaves I’d ever seen. You know how you want cinnamon bread, not some-bread-etched-with-cinnamon? This was it. As a rule Lux doesn’t eat bread (white carbs, Mom! she says reproachfully) but we both tore off hunks and ate it as we walked.

We’ll get through this yet.

 

26 Comments

  • Susanne

    February 28, 2013 at 10:32 pm Reply

    holy cow, how well written. “pregnancy is lent.” so true! i always forget that part when I’m itchin’ for a second babe. but i am in the same field as you seem to be… every now and again for a special “cheers” is appropriate.

  • Grace

    February 28, 2013 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I loved reading this! It really gives me some much needed insight into pregnancy and what you are experiencing, Rach. Thanks for sharing so openly!

  • Gini

    February 28, 2013 at 11:42 pm Reply

    Fun perspective on it. Funny I think about those 9 months 2x’s and the only time I really missed having a drink was when I was overdue with Caitlin and dear friends and family were driving me crazy with wondering if everything was Ok. And did my Dr know what he was doing-every time they called I wanted to do a shot! But didn’t. I think it’s a cool challenge that many can’t admit to accomplishing. Keep writing your way through. Love you.

  • Grandma

    March 1, 2013 at 12:24 am Reply

    Rachael–love your message, you are much more committed than I was– do you think it shows on any of my children? It certainly was not a daily routine– but when we were at parties. I do applaud Leighton for being so considerate of your condition–he is a true gentleman. Keep up the good work– look how well Lux is doing. Love you.

  • Hannah

    March 1, 2013 at 12:48 am Reply

    As someone with baby #2 fever, this post was a much needed reminder of how much I hated being pregnant. I didn’t drink at all while I was pregnant with Vi. It wasn’t that I actually thought it would be harmful, it was because I have a tendency to be really, really hard on myself and didn’t want to have any ammunition against myself if something went wrong with the baby. I hated being left out when everyone was having a drink, and I hated being the assumed dd. Champagne is my all time favorite form of alcohol, so Snuggles constantly bought me sparkling grape juice. Sweet thought, but seriously? No.

    • Rachael Ringenberg

      March 1, 2013 at 8:11 pm Reply

      Sad but true. Especially because grape juice probably reminded you of having a kiddie cocktail, right? I did have one “mocktail” at a friend’s house that was killer: fresh OJ, soda water, basil simple syrup. In January. THIS, that kind of stuff, you don’t need alcohol.

  • Susie

    March 1, 2013 at 12:50 am Reply

    There are still small slumps of snow on the street, each protectively harboring its own disgusting pile of soggy trash. = golden.

  • bridget

    March 1, 2013 at 1:40 pm Reply

    Having a drink with the cooking of dinner is hard to give up, friend. I know. You’re almost there (sort of?).

    Also, did the doulas think that it was something you were doing that made Lux a big babe? I feel like babes just are… big or not! Maybe that’s naive of me? Don’t tell me they’re making you give up your Annies!

    • kaciacoconut

      March 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm Reply

      Yes! I was about to ask the same as Bridget–You left me hanging with the hinting of perhaps a potential reason [reasons?] why Lux was over 9lbs? do tell!

      • Rachael Ringenberg

        March 1, 2013 at 8:09 pm Reply

        No, they were theorizing. Everyone is theorizing about that, really. There’s not really any research on why some babies are big and some aren’t…but of course it’s always safe to pick on white flour. I guess I know it’s not that good for me, so I was ready to feel guilty about it.

  • kaciacoconut

    March 1, 2013 at 5:15 pm Reply

    You are seriously such an incredible writer, Rachael. It makes me miss our times in Italian class–passing notes, making jokes about our fingers falling off due to the cold, as we shared one pair of mittens…good thing I am left handed.

    I just want to hibernate as neighbors during these bleak months. This past week has been so dreary, so difficult, so…..why have I no more wine in my house!?

    love you

  • Anna {dear friend}

    March 1, 2013 at 10:36 pm Reply

    I wonder what it’ll be like for me when it’s time for me to have babies (whenever that time comes). I don’t feel particularly drawn to drink a lot of the time (I do enjoy it, but don’t ever crave it, and mostly just do it in social situations, because, why not?)… it’s an interesting thing to think about.

    Also, i second that idea that this is a tough time of year. To live in Boston, but not in New Zealand. So let Joe sit on that one for awhile.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *